it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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