you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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