I'm really into asian looking animals
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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