I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
