I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
