i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A+ Viking dick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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