i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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