I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize