also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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