No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
