somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
