she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
