I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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