As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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