I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
