No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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