After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
