All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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