U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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