Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
