plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
