her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
