those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
