Got a toothbrush?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
