I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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