is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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