How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
