What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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