Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
