Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
