he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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