we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
