i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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