Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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