Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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