Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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