Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
