My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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