we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize