He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
