how hairy? two words: wookie tits
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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