The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
