I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
