so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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