did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
