Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
