I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
