I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize