why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
