My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize