? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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