I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
