tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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