What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
