I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize