if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize