I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
