It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
