just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
