It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
