I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
