my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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