i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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