There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
