honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
