So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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