She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
