We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
