i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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