I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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