It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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