Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
