Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
