i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
