I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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