GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
