I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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