Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
