I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize