I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
