Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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