I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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