She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
