someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My feet surprised me
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