Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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