when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize